I had this vision

in my mind

of myself figuring it out

of myself finding what I have been searching for

of myself accepting the circumstances that brought me to

here, right now.


And yet

when I look around me

I see everything drained of colour

I look down to my fluffy pink slippers and find them

black and white


nail polish chipped

a gold bow at the centre of both slippers

making them look like the shoes of a little girl

before she lost her way


It used to be different you know,

putting on those fluffy pink slippers for the first time,

the feeling was never the same after that


So I find myself dismissing that vision

and putting on my fluffy grey slippers


my top half sitting here, writing

pressing the keys of my machine

the illusion of control

when really

myself just a part of it